Taylor Swift: the reason for the teardrops on my laptop keyboard

Imma let you finish, but Miranda Lambert had the best country album OF ALL TIME!I hate Kanye West.

Why? He insulted Taylor Swift at the VMAs. Hence, people started feeling sorry for Taylor. Hence, people started listening to her music. HENCE, Taylor Swift won three Grammys Sunday night.

Pissed.

The people on the Grammy nominating board must have listened to too much music at high decibels because they nominated her in the "country" category. Excuse me? You must not be able to hear things, old men in suits who have power. T-Swizzle is anything but country. Last I checked, country songs consist of four major things: twang, beer, sex and guns. And last I checked, Taylor is from Pennsylvania; she looks like one of those virgin maidens that would get sacrificed to a dragon if her village needed saving; and the kickback from a fired gun would probably knock her over.

Furthermore, it is my firm belief that if girls 10 years younger than you come and scream at your concerts and request that your music be played at their grade school dances, you become dangerously close to losing your place in any real genre. Add in the fact that your music videos are played constantly on MTV and VH1 and that your songs have been remixed for Top 40 stations, and you have lost your country crown, madam. You have now been shoveled into the cliché, synthesized, bubble gum, and dangerously addictive brand of music we like to call "pop." There are other country artists that are very close to being pop artists-Keith Urban, Rascal Flatts and Carrie Underwood come to mind-but none of them are as widely worshipped as you, Taylor. It's like you're Miley Cyrus, only better and more prolific.

Taylor cleverly tried to prove that she was a country artist by writing a song reminiscing about her life as a younger girl at the age of "Fifteen." Country artists live in the past. They thrive on their breakups and the innocence of their childhoods. Plenty of other country artists have written the proverbial adolescence song: Brad Paisley with "Letter to Me," Bucky Covington with "Different World," Carrie Underwood with "Don't Forget to Remember Me," Jason Aldean with "Laughed Until We Cried," my girl Miranda Lambert with "The House That Built Me." All mature, respected, well-established country artists.

Taylor, I hate to break it to you, but writing a song about when you're 15 is only cool when you actually are 15 or when you're 35 and reminiscing about it. Not when you're 20. Sorry, wrong number, goodbye.

Furthermore, no one is buying that "oh my God I never expected to win and I'm so innocent" shtick. You were Forbes' 69th most powerful celebrity in 2009. You make fistfuls of money. Your hair is perfect. Your concerts sell out. You now have three Grammys and God knows how many other awards. You totally expected it.

I read "TIME" magazine, Taylor. And they don't give a shit about you. They named the top 10 albums of 2009 and you know what was on it? Brad Paisley's "American Saturday Night" and Miranda Lambert's "Revolution." Amazing albums that weren't even nominated!

Imma let you finish, but Miranda Lambert had the best country album OF ALL TIME! They named the top 10 songs of 2009 and you know what was on it? Miranda Lambert's "White Liar." Yeah, that's real country music.

. but God help me, I can't help singing along to your songs when I hear them or thinking your fairy tale lyrics are beautiful and poetic and touching. Maybe it's because I want to be like you and I'm secretly jealous that I can play simple guitar chord patterns and sing simple melodies just like you and don't have a record deal. So, yeah, maybe every now and then I sing along to your songs and giggle at your clever music videos

But then reality sets back in and I turn back to the whiskey-drinking, pistol-shooting, heart-smashing Miranda Lambert and indulge in passionate lyrics full of gunpowder, lead and kerosene. Songs about life and how it hurts sometimes.

To be or not to be? Keep living in your fairy tale, Juliet, but pretty soon that bare bodkin is going to come around and slash your ratings right in the kisser. Your fans will grow up, and hopefully you will, too. Maybe you'll start writing more mature songs. But for now, you'll never be as pop as Britney or as country as Miranda. You're still a new artist and you're still feeling out what genre you are. And that's fine. Everyone should experience, and most artists try out different styles and genres. Just take my advice: stop trying to be country. And stop stealing awards from artists who actually deserve them.